How's your self-esteem lately?

I had a really interesting time with one of my mentoring clients earlier this week.

I've discussed this blog with her, and she's given her "OK" for me to mention the issue here, as it may be useful for others.

We talk once a month and in our Skype call this week she asked for some tips on building her confidence at work as she has sometimes felt out of her depth when meeting and greeting visitors to her boss's office, finding it hard to make easy conversation with them.

Before jumping in with some tips, I thought it would be helpful to know why this was the case.

In previous conversations we've discussed the business she is working in and I've ascertained that she has very good knowledge about the industry and the projects her boss is working on. She's fluent in the lingo for the business, and in conversation with me she can acknowledge that she has some really excellent skills that she uses with great applomb in her PA role and she's quick to pick up new tasks.  I mentioned this to her - and she agreed that this was all so, but when it comes to talking with people she flounders.

The next couple of things she said struck a chord with me.  She said that she has spent a lot of her time at work recently in what can only be described as a sense of mild panic, particularly on days when she knew they were expecting visitors in the office. "I feel like someone is going to spot that I'm no good, that I'm pretending to be this great knowledgeable PA and it's all going to come tumbling down around me when I'm found out" she told me.

I asked when she first felt like this. She hesitated, then said she couldn't remember. I pressed a little further - has it been going on for a few days, weeks, months...? "A while", she admitted, "maybe since November or so."

This was my light bulb moment. I thought back and quickly checked my notes - in our early November conversation she had mentioned the thought of looking for a new job. This was something she talked about very briefly but had then changed the subject. I reminded her of this - and asked might it be something to do with her new-found lack of confidence? Was she seeing visitors to the office as potential interviewers who were seeking to test her ability?

This was her light bulb moment. (I love doing mentoring sessions via Skype rather than just by phone, to be able to see a client think, nod, smile and work something out.)

So rather than spend the rest of the session looking at tips to build confidence in her current work situation, we talked about the possibilities of her finding and applying for a new job. Specifically, we talked about her fears of applying for a job in a different industry and being rejected for not having the right industry background, and how to combat this by learning as much as possible about her desired industry - which would go towards increasing her confidence for attending interviews...


Our Skype sessions are an hour long - and this one seemed to go by in a flash. I'm looking forward to talking with her again next month to see how things are progressing for her.

Thinking about the session again yesterday afternoon, I felt inspired to send out a few tweets for anyone out there who is sharing a fear of rejection for going after something they want.  Having written "Brave PAs" I used this phrase as my hashtag for each tweet, as bravery was ultimately the crux of what we were talking about. I'd like to share my tweets with you:

• It's not impossible - or foolish - to go after something you want. Look at your aim, break it down into steps, and start doing it. #BravePAs
• Stepping out in pursuit of what you want takes bravery, yes - but it's far less painful than sitting with 'what might have been'. #BravePAs
• Want a new job? Then look for one. Don't just hope something new will come along. Go out and find it. It won't find you. #BravePAs
• Want to do something differently? Imagine you've done it! Use this to give you the impetus to do it. It's never too late to learn. #BravePAs
• Plucking up the courage to do something new is actually less scary than believing you are stuck in a rut and can never get out. #BravePAs
• Taureans: take the bull by the horns. Leos: get ready to roar. Librans: find a new balance. Whatever your sign, find your strength #BravePAs
• Amongst all things, never let someone else put you down for being who and what you are. Mantra: "I am brave. Hear me roar." #BravePAs
• We all meet those who look down on us as lowly admins, 'only an assistant', 'just a PA'. NEVER be 'just' anything. You're amazing. #BravePAs
• PAs and EAs the world over are exceptionally talented people, supporting their bosses to lead with success. Remember that. #BravePAs
• Remember the mantra: "I am brave. Hear me roar." #BravePAs

Onwards and upwards, peeps! Be brave. ROAR for what you want!

Angela

Are you internet responsible? Or just well-meaning, gullible and irresponsible?

Have you seen this sort of stuff?

"Today is World Gullible Day - please share this message with all your friends. For every copy of the message shared, Bill Gates will donate €1 to the Identifying Duffers' Idiocy Or Thoughts Society (IDIOTS), which was set up in 1894 by Albert Einstein for a group of gullible people who genuinely thought that everything they read on Facebook is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth." (cue: lots of gullible people forwarding out a complete piece of garbage)

or:

"This is a really important life-saving appeal. Please forward it to everyone you know. If you don't forward this message, several small children in Guatemala will be forced to go to work in their cousin's fictitious coal-mine." (cue: pointless filling of people's Facebook inboxes / status streams with this ridiculous message)

or perhaps:

"My cousin's neighbour's dog-walker found a wallet on a bus. Please look at all of the credit cards (front and back) that were enclosed in it - do you know who the owner is, so that we can return the wallet to him?"  (cue: wallet owner's credit cards are used by everyone on the internet)

or even:

"Someone I don't know forwarded this to someone else I don't know, who then forwarded it to this guy I met at the pub a few weeks ago, and he said it's true, it's been confirmed on a programme I've never heard of on American TV and everything, so it MUST be true! For safety's sake when you go away on holiday, you should post on Facebook full details of your home address, any broken windows / locks, where you keep your spare key, where you keep your spare cash in the house, and how long you will be away for. We'll then forward your details on to everyone we know, so that your home can be looked after." (cue: your home is robbed while you go on holiday)

OK. So the examples I've given above are a bit silly and could be considered to be extreme. I made them up to make my point here. But today I genuinely spotted something that utterly HORRIFIED me about how gullible and irresponsible people can be, even if they are meaning well at the time.

This evening, I spotted that my friend XXX (who shall remain nameless, and who has 910 friends on Facebook) had 'shared' / forwarded with all their friends a photograph of an individual's passport which has allegedly been found in the street, forwarding someone else's message of "does anyone know this guy so we can return this to him?"

The photo included the passport owner's photo, name, date of birth, place of birth, passport number, passport issue and expiry dates, their signature, and two lines of electronic detail from the bottom of the passport page - all of which could be used to steal their owner's identity. My friend XXX clearly thought they were doing the passport owner a favour in forwarding this out to their 910 friends including me. SERIOUSLY.  They thought it was OK to share someone else's identity details with 910 people.

I spotted the message an hour after XXX had shared it out - so Lord only knows how many of those 909 other friends had also forwarded it out to their own friends before I posted a "DO NOT SHARE THIS" message on it. 

Perhaps almost WORSE than the fact that XXX blindly forwarded the passport details out to their 910 friends, they clearly didn't read ANY of the comments attached to the photo other than the photo description which said "please share this out to help find the owner". XXX shared the photo SIX FULL HOURS AFTER the original poster of the photo had commented that the owner of the passport had been found. XXX also didn't spot the large number of comments from other people to the original poster that they should give the passport to the police to deal with.

My friend XXX is a lovely person.

Really. They are a very nice person and I am sure that they would not have deliberately or maliciously sent out the passport owner's personal details with any sense of malice or mis-intent. I imagine they saw the photo and thought they could help out in some way by sharing it with their friends, and did so blindly, with a feeling of "I did something good in doing this".  I almost feel bad to be mentioning them (regardless that I'm not sharing their name and details) and they may even become angry or hurt about my using their actions today as an example in this blog-posting. I'm sorry if they feel that way about it, but  as lovely as they are, and as lovely as the rest of my friends and contacts are, it is NOT ENOUGH to be a nice person and to be well meaning, whilst in charge of a device that can connect you - and whatever you post on it - to the rest of the world.  It is definitely NOT OK to be irresponsible and gullible.

If you see stuff on the internet that you are even TEMPTED to share, please bear in mind:

• Many of the messages that do the rounds on Facebook are - SHOCK, HORROR - untrue.
• Many of them are listed on Hoax-spotting websites. To find out if a message you are thinking of forwarding / sharing is fake or not, simply highlight and copy a phrase from the message, and paste it into Google along with the word Hoax - and see if it comes up about the message you've seen. Many times you will find that the message which you've just been sent by another friend has actually been doing the rounds on the internet for 5, 10, 15, even 20 years.  
• Two great websites to use to check out if a message is true or fake are Hoax-slayer and Snopes: Google for them. 
• Wise up before sending stuff out.
• Think before posting crap. 
• Think before forwarding crap. 
• And certainly, think before posting an individual's personal details to the world.  
• Check stuff out.
• If the message seems odd, DON'T FORWARD IT.
• If it seems too good to be truly, DON'T FORWARD IT.
• If it is marked up as "oh yeah, it's true, this was on TV like yesterday somewhere else in the world", DON'T FORWARD IT.
• If it claims that "the more people who share this, the more money will be donated by somebody somewhere", DON'T FORWARD IT.
• And if it contains anything personal about somebody else, NO MATTER HOW HELPFUL YOU THINK YOU ARE BEING, DON'T FORWARD IT.

Bottom line: 
BE INTERNET RESPONSIBLE!  
Just because you are sent something by someone you know or think you know - this does not mean that it is true, correct, legal or right to forward on to others.